Uralica!
(This post was last modified: 07-05-2023, 09:19 PM by Jarkko. Edit Reason: Retcon and cleanup )
REGIONAL TENSION MOUNTING IN SOUTHEAST ASIA OVER ZHUANG SITUATION

It seems that the Zhuang are the focal point of what could be a powder keg in otherwise stable East Asia, and three countries are finding themselves in a bind over them. The problem is not so much that the Zhuang people themselves feel more generally oppressed by the New Pacific Order that runs China, but that pockets of dissidents within the province of Guangxi are being riled up by Thai ethnic irredentists, which has caused some tension between the Franco Pact and Thailand. The Zhuang separatist movement was largely ended with the Chongqing Agreement of 2021, which gives the Zhuang people (the Zhuang according to China could be a dozen plus different ethnic groups per some ethnologists) a large degree of curricular freedom with regards to language and whatever cultural differences do exist, but pockets of holdouts insist that they become part of a "Greater Thailand."

But it isn't just the Chinese that are upset with Thailand over this. Vietnam is as well, as they have long been suspicious of Thailand's pan-ethnic ambitions in the area, given that many of the minority groups of their northern lads are ethnic cousins (of various distances) of the Thais and Laos. They are among China's closest allies, being perhaps the staunchest members of the Franco Pact besides the Chinese themselves as well as one of their greatest success stories.

New UN Secretary General Vaido Kuik said he is keeping an eye on the situation.

GUEST PROFESSOR FROM FRANCE STUNNED BY URALICANS' LANGUAGE SKILLS

While guest-teaching a lecture on conceptual metaphor in a cognitive linguistics class at Uralikan Yliopisto in the same's summer semester, Dr. Philippe Monneret from Université Paris-Sorbonne was left "stupéfié" by the fact that no fewer than six of the students in the class spoke French at a high level. LING 502 course head Dr. Stepan Daniilov even got a chuckle out of the Frenchman's amazement.

He then said, "There is a very good reason Uralicans are in demand as interpreters!"

After the lecture was over, Monneret was delighted to have several of these students and a couple of the francophone professors sit with him during the lunch hour and talk to him about the lecture in French. He was particularly fascinated by the French spoken by a couple of the professors, since Dr. Claude Boisbriand is Québecois, hailing from Shawinigan, Dr. P.J. Essono's mother tongue is African French, and Dr. D'Arcy Chapman had such a strong focus on African linguistics during his years at Trinity Western (before becoming a member of Wycliffe Uralica and working with SIL West Africa) that he now speaks French with a "hybrid accent" mixing West African (with a particular Abidjan colouring), Québecois, and the métropolitain on which the international standard is based.

CHANGING OF THE GUARD AT UR.I.L

There is a bit of a reshuffle happening at Uralikan Yliopisto and will come into full effect in September, as there are some professors moving, a couple retiring, and some sessionals being promoted to fill the gaps. Refer to this post for the original list.

While the longest-serving UY linguistic professor, Dr. Risto Tikkanen, is not retiring "for at least another seven years," the oldest professor, 61-year-old Dr. Angus McQuhae, has decided to retire early and return to his native Scotland to focus on his other passion, Christian pastoral ministry - he is being ordained as an Orthodox Presbyterian pastor in his home city of East Fife. Primarily a literacy development and writing system specialist, he was already in the process of handing off more of his workload to younger professors like Drs. Megan Gudschinsky and Patrick Agyemang, the latter of whom will eventually step into his spot as a directed studies supervisor, with Gudschinsky planning to do it solo for at least the 2023-24 academic year.

A bit sadder was the stepping aside of computational linguistics expert, Dr. Moroz Tsybulenko, who was forced to retire due to chronic illness. Originally from Kingisepp, Russia, he is relocating from Syktyvkar to the more moderate climate of the West, having decided to settle in Raivola, between St. Petersburg and Viipuri. It will take some time before he is "fully replaced," as his hand-picked replacement, Ural-Altayan doctoral David Arkadiyev will be defending his PhD dissertation in Tsybulenko's last act as a professor in the late fall. He is ending all of his course-teaching effective immediately; Dr. Joseph Spencer is expected to take over his share of the lexicography teaching. They are currently searching for a replacement on the faculty to represent the computational linguists.

As for moves, this mainly pertains to sessionals but also includes two faculty members. With African Christian University looking to branch into linguistics, Uralikan Yliopisto will be losing longtime faculty member Dr. Gebreselassie Getachew, who has opted to head up that new department, eventually with the help of Richard Mwepu-Lahdenmäki, who is expected to finish his doctoral studies in 2024. The other departing faculty member is Dr. Lynn Rahm, who is returning to the New United States to take up tenure at the University of California at Berkeley. An expert in syntactic theories and linguistic discourse analysis, she had already started scaling back her involvement in teaching, knowing that later UrIL joinee Stepan Daniilov and certain sessionals would be able to pick up a lot of the slack. We've already learned that Dr. Andrew Wolfe, whose areas of expertise overlap the most with Getachew's, has been tenured to fill one of the spots; because of her involvement with teaching of teaching methods amongst minority languages, it is expected that the other spot will be filled by Dr. Katya Yovkova, although they may also tenure Siberian syntactician Yevgeny Zhukov, who has admitted that he is stepping up his teaching workload this coming school year regardless.

Several sessionals are leaving, but a few new ones have also been hired.

Outgoing
  • Dr. Martin van Schaik - returning to Theological U. Kampen permanently
  • Dr. James Niinimäki - accepted tenure at University of West Uralica
  • Oksana Lebedeva, Sveta Mostavaya  - have decided to go into full-time TESOL work
  • Dr. Haylee Sherman - session up, has been hired by the University of Washington
Incoming
  • Dr. Lucinda "Cindy" McGregor (PhD, UY, 2022; MA, Dalhousie U, 2018; BA, U. of Victoria, 2015)
  • Dr. Mitchell Strömberg (PhD, U of Yekaterinburg, 2022; MA, Uppsala U, 2018; BEd, Uralica Baptist U, 2012; BA, Uralica Baptist U (transfer from Lakehead U), 2009
  • Tarvo Läppänen (MA, UY, 2020; BA (Finnish Language and Literature), UY, 2017) - cross-listed with Department of Finnish Language and Literature
  • Aada Härkönen (MA, UY, 2022, BA, Käkisalmen Yliopisto, 2017) - working on PhD
  • Vyacheslav Antropov (MA, UY, 2021 (Linguistics); MSc, CUIT, 2018 (computer science); BSc, U. of Omutninsk (double major in computer science and linguistics), 2015
  • Denis Mbenga-Ardatov (MA, Mordovia State U, 2022; BA, African Christian University, 2019) - working on PhD
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THE WORLD'S CURRENT PRESSURE POINTS REVISITED

Almost a year and a half ago, now New UN SecGen Vaido Kuik met with some of Uralica's leading investigative journalists and historical and political scholars to discuss the world's pressure points. Now we're coming back to those, minus Reuters Uralica correspondent Mark Yefremov, who is still in Balochistan following the reconstruction efforts there, and a moderator. Dr. Kuik was again joined by Dr. Lasse Kiviranta, Uralika Sevodnya editor-in-chief Vasily Lomonosov, and recent history Master's grad Adrienn Jakab, who is the main anchor for the Reuters Uralica East TV network.

VK: So we come back to the never-perfect world of international affairs. Some of the pressure points from a year and a half ago still exist, some have been resolved, and new ones have appeared. What would you say to doing these in the same order, Lasse?

LK: Would certainly make things simpler.

AJ: It's good to be here again!

VL: Some interesting new pressure points have appeared as well. Where should we start, Dr. Kuik?

VK: A lot of the pressure points in anglophone North America are gone, but there's still the nagging one between Cascadia and Utah. *rolls eyes* I don't know why the Cassies can't just leave Utah alone.

AJ: It's like a warped variant of the Contiguity Principle that they have in their minds. While it is true that Utah is completely surrounded by Cascadia, that still doesn't justify it - I mean, it wouldn't've been justified had Italy try to take over San Marino in pre-Robertian times, or for South Africa to take Lesotho, and they would undoubtedly agree with that in Cascadia, so why does it make it any better for them to have those designs on Utah?

VK: Yeah, the CP was meant to prevent uneven borders like the one we had with Russia and Novgorod near Tengzhele, Mordovia. No exclaves or enclaves. That's why Canada got Point Roberts from Cascadia and the Northwest Angle from Dakota.

VL: The previous point about Utah being completely surrounded brings us, oddly enough, to one of the new ones. With the Cascadian federal government trying to push a more hardline leftist agenda, the states that skew more to the right have threatened secession.

VK: I wouldn't make anything of that just yet. So far at least it looks like the fed-gov is respecting state rights. For those who are wondering which states these are, they're Idaho and Wyoming. But there is also some internal friction within Idaho, particularly in the south - there is some religious tension down there between Mormons and certain hardline Christian groups, the latter of whom are trying to force any remaining Mormons to move to Utah. *LK rolls eyes*

LK: "Hardline" is an understatement. It's basically gun cults with a Christian veneer down there. They are also largely separatists who want to leave Cascadia and join Dakota.

AJ: There is one state that there is no separatist element, but its citizens feel that these new hard-left stances are an affront to their culture.

VK: Baja California. Yeah, that's something Cascadia's going to have to figure out on its own... well, if it can and those rumours about the feds being in Babylon's back pocket are false. You just never know. Cascadia's about the closest thing to a legitimate friend that Babylon has, but at the same time they have tried to distance themselves from Babylon in certain respects.

I was happy to find out that Mexican-Mayan tensions have at least started to cool off. There's still friction there, just not as much. Maybe Mexico proved enough that they were fighting the cartels, who nowadays are largely based in the north of the country. And for its flaws, I'll give Cascadia this much - they have been very good about not letting the cartelistos through, and the Tohono O'odham Nation has been very cooperative both with Cascadia and with Mexico in shutting those dweebs down.

VL: I find Cascadia's stance somewhat hypocritical. If someone is caught by road or by plane, they get a harsh sentence, especially from Mexico. But if they come in by boat and are caught, though, it seems nobody cares.

AJ: I'd factor that more down to the incompetence of cargo scanning authorities and possibly corruption at the higher levels. Cascadia is trying to help them get their acts together.

VL: Not hard enough, obviously. The major cities still have major drug problems.

VK: Not all of that is on Mexico, so we'll move on. Remember how we said we were surprised that Mexico hadn't been chirped by the NewCons or Cascadia about cartel activity? We spoke too soon, and the NewCons are putting pressure on the Mexican federal government to do more in the states of Nuevo León and Tamaulipas, pressure backed by the mayors of the largest border cities... on the Mexican side. 

LK: That cities on the Mexican side are actually speaking up is a good sign. I had heard that Nuevo Laredo and Colombia had already spoken up.

AJ *looking at her tablet*: Yeah... it looks like Reynosa joined some time ago... *looks up* and more recently Matamoros.

VK: I'm actually not surprised that Ciudad Juarez isn't on that list. They've been doing a better job at handling the cartel menace, apparently.

VL: And they've had more help. That's a three-point border right there because El Paso is right smack on the Cascadian border, so Juarez has help not just from the NewCons in limiting this, but also from the Cascadians, if only from New Mexican state authorities!

VK: Moving further south, Nicaragua has withdrawn from plans to create a Central American federation after pro-Francoist riots in Managua and its other major cities. Smart move by the government, but it has gotten some negative responses from El Salvador, Honduras, and the Mayans. At the last NUNGA meeting, though, you should have heard the Panamanian representative rip these guys after El Salvador started the argument that they were "being greedy." And if you look at the current World Corruption Index...

AJ: Worst two countries in the Western Hemisphere are Honduras and El Salvador.

VK: Eeeeeeeexactly. Nicaragua had that strong anti-corruption push after going Francoist in 2016, and while they aren't the least corrupt country in the Western Hemisphere or even in Central America - that is, of course, Costa Rica - their reputation has improved drastically. *AJ flips furiously through something on her tablet*

AJ: Oh wow, you weren't kidding! They're presently the fourth-best in Latin America. Only Chile, Uruguay, and Costa Rica are better! Venezuela's improved a lot too!

VK: Which brings us to the next point of tension, but one I can say rather gladly is on the way out. *smiles* We didn't talk about Colombia-Venezuela last time and probably should have, but they're actually starting to re-normalize relations again!

VL: That'll be a non-issue in a couple of years. I guarantee it.

LK: One last one to quickly touch on although this is intercontinental now. Bermuda and the Caymans.

VK: Hoo boy, did Canada ever set off a crapstorm with those two!

LK: Yup. Canada passed a law - completely backed by the territorial governments - that while the tax havens will remain, the CRA is now allowed to police all transactions in and out of those two territories. Canada's Minister of Finance and Attorney-General both made it very clear that anyone not partaking in illegal activity has nothing to worry about, as their only concerns are organized crime and terrorist activity. But even given the sharp drop in total money in the territories after this, Canada on the whole has more than enough money to cover for the territories should they need it, and let's be honest, they really don't.

VL: Which means the only place they people can really store sus cash anymore is, as Vaido said last time, Switzerland. Rumblings of France bringing back Monaco as an autonomous tax-free state are out there, but all it is right now is talk.

VK: Hopping the Atlantic to Africa. 

AJ: eSwatini's royalty is getting too big for its britches, and it's starting to piss Ngunia off. There is tension building over what is historically Swazi land, not all of which is in eSwatini, and the royalty knows it. It's more irredentism. 

VK: You'd've thought splitting things up more along tribal lines would have assuaged that more than it did. I mean, if you look at most of Africa's pressure points, almost all of them have an element of irredentism. Some of them are just residual butthurt over past claims. One actually was taken off the list from last time.

VL: Yup. The whole Yobe-Gombe-Hausa situation was settled peacefully and through Strasbourg, and it seems Hausa Nation and Adamawa have actually buried the hatchet by and large. So that's one pressure point that's basically gone. *VK nods with a slight smile*

AJ: The biggest problem in West Africa is the nomadic Fulani. The Fulani who have settled down are not a threat in the slightest. I mean, nobody hates Sahelia or Guinea, do they?

LK: Aside from some residual hard feelings from Temneya, no. But that goes back to Dispersion rather than the more recent West African War. They have held up their part of the bargain of the Treaty of Bern. But there's one country that hasn't, at least not on the judicial front.

VK: We'll come to them later. The agency officials in Strasbourg have had to intervene in the argument between Tsonga, Zimbabwe, and the East African Union concerning the central part of pre-Robertian Mozambique. Basically, Zimbabwe were told to stop being so smug about it and the other two were told to back off.

LK: Zimbabwe's got other problems too, so no, they shouldn't be smug. I mean, the whole Ndebele issue?

AJ: And Ngunia's starting to lose patience with them over it - Ngunia is admittedly much better with Ndebele rights than Zimbabwe is.

VK: This is one that has escalated enough that several NUN agencies have started keeping an eye on it. It's still not as bad as the ongoing troubles between Sudan and Darfur, though, and Darfur stubbornly refuses to accept either protectoracy or a trust agreement. Their right, I suppose, but it would make it easier for them to do one of the two.

VL: *sigh* Will that ever end?

VK: Not as long as Sudan's with the LTA. I suppose we can run through that now. I honestly think NUN peacekeepers are going to be there more or less forever at this point, because the baggaras bankrolled by the Sudanese government will just not stop attacking. At least now we can say that there are a few groups teaching the different ethnic groups how to properly defend themselves, and Uralica has provided force fields and compatible gates for their borders. So at least the casualty rates have dropped. Apparently Janjaweed complained to the LTA about Uralica doing that and Sudan took their complain to the NUN Security Council. Guess what, slapnuts? Not a single one of the 25 current members voted in favour! And I doubt that would be different even after the expansion!

AJ: Ooh! Expansion, you say? When is that taking place?

VK and LK *simultaneously*: Day after New Year's 2024.

VK *adds*: Yeah. We're promoting four new permanent members and voting on four new interim non-permanent members. I was going to save this for last because it has become a point of tension, because certain countries felt they should have been perma'd and weren't. When the 11 permas (Uralica, the New United States, New Polar Canada, England, France, Germany, Russia, Brazil, The East African Union, Bharat, and Francoist China) had that vote back in May, they decided on Japan, Hijaz, The Maghreb Union, and Australia as the new permas, to go into effect on 1 January 2024.

AJ: Those don't seem all that controversial.

VK: They shouldn't be in a perfect world, but I think every Uralican - and indeed every legit Christian - knows this world isn't perfect by a long shot. Japan and Australia were far from controversial. Both unanimous votes. The closest vote was with the African candidate, as the Maghrebis only just took a majority, getting six votes and Uralica actually voted against them in favour of runners-up KwaZulu, one of four countries along with Canada, Russia, and the EAU to vote for them. There are no hard feelings between the two sides over that. What is controversial about this vote is that Brazil did a write-in for the Zambezi Republic, who themselves had insisted that they not be included. Kind of a dumb move. At least nobody voted for Sudan.

What caused the most controversy was the Asian vote. Most of us had resolved to get a permanent member from the Middle East, and Hijaz won more handily than the Maghrebis did in the African vote, but the Malays were pretty pissed off that they didn't get a single vote in spite of being the third-most populated country in the world. There were two SEA nations on the ballot of five, and neither of them got any votes, but the Vietnamese seem to be a lot less butthurt over it. Nine countries out of the eleven voted for Hijaz, the two exceptions being the EAU and Brazil - both voted for surprise candidate Sindh. Can't say I'm too surprised about them getting the votes though. Their behaviour during the war with Balochistan was exemplary. Turkey was not going to get any votes and they knew it. They were butthurt about it before the vote even happened. *looks at camera* But that's what you get for trying to invade your maritime neighbours, you smegheads! *others laugh*

Anyway. Japan, Australia, and the Maghrebis will be back in again just over a year after being shuffled out of non-perma, and Hijaz had already been voted in for non-perma this term, so they simply step up to perma and we have to vote on a nation to take its place.

AJ: So who does that leave for non-permas?

VK: Thank you for asking, just so those who are at home will know who if they don't already. There will remain fourteen non-permanent slots unless the proposed expansion to non-permanent membership goes through. Our absolute max of members will be 33. As of the coming New Year's, it'll move up to 29.

Basically, there are three slots fixed for Asia, two for Europe because they have so many permas, one slot that can waffle between the two but has to be an NCIS member, three for Africa, two for each of the Americas, and one for Oceania.

Asia's two remaining members were Korea and Sindh. The nations on the by-election ballot were chosen by the whole Security Council back in May and will be voted on by the whole of NUNGA - the Malay Federation, Kazakhstan, Vietnam, Persia, and the United Arab Emirates, since Israel-Palestine opted to sit out this cycle after being defeated by Hijaz in the last vote. Speaking of controversy, the Saudi Kingdom is very upset that they were left off the ballot.

LK: Oh boo-hoo! *everyone else laughs* I'm serious, dudes and dudette - the Saudis got whooped on the last two ballots! They got seven votes in the initial vote and two last November!

VK: Three. You forgot to count them themselves. Kuwait and Bahrain voted for Hijaz, as many expected they would. Gaza was booted from NUNGA and Aden created a bit of a firestorm in the LTA by voting for Oman. So their only supporters were outside their region. YUGE surprise.

LK: Main point stands. The Saudis are really in no position to be butthurt when almost nobody pahuksen votes for them! You compare them to Hijaz, whose votes dominated the regional tally. I'm surprised Oman wasn't back on the ballot actually.

VK: I'm not. They endorsed the UAE pretty early.

AJ: You're an inside man now, though. You get all these little details and backroom goodies that none of us are privy to! *winks at VK*

VK: Fair enough. But anyway, back to who is who. Nordland, Greece, and Catalonia (much to Castille's chagrin) are Europe's fixed-spot representatives, and much to Mark's surprise, Transcaucasia didn't end up with the flexi-slot, Finland did. (Word on the street is that they and the two NCIS permas are backing TKK for the 2028 shuffle.)

Oceania's was New Zealand. No huge surprise there.

North America - Mexico and Trinidad & Tobago

South America - Colombia and Argentina

Africa, finally - Ethiopia, Adamawa, and Senegal.

And pulling this back around to the Janjaweed complaint, not a single NUNSC member voted in favour of Saudi advocacy for them because they knew full well where that request came from. Not only that, but Uralica put forward another resolution against them, which was voted for unanimously. Quite frankly, I think I should add Sudan as one of the points of tension within itself because the rank-and-file Sudanese is starting to tire of having to pay for its government's support a bunch of murderous nincompoops.

*VK sighs*

Someone bring up something else please.

AJ: Al-Shabaab. Their presence is much-weakened, and a now three-party deal between the Somali government, Suqutra, and Sana'a means that the Saudis are no longer able to supply them with ships. Aden wouldn't anyway, so that's no huge deal.

VL: What's more, Tigray has decreed that any "suspicious ship" passing through its waters will be subject to inspection. If Ethiopia actually had a shoreline, that would probably create serious tension between the two, but the main target is Sudan. Egypt actually has no problem with the deal.

VK: That could cause some snags in trade in practice, but in principle I kinda like it. We're still planning to keep an eye on it though.

LK: How is Suqutra doing anyway?

VK: *smiles broadly* Better than ever. Their products are being sold, both locally and to Uralica, and we haven't heard a peep out of the baabos there. They actually have the beginnings of a defence navy now and they work in conjunction with the Somali national navy to keep the coast free of pirates. Education is growing, slowly but surely. Their future's never looked brighter!

LK: And what's better, there's the recent PIAT between Ethiopia and Afaria.

VK: *chuckles* Now there's an acronym I thought I'd never hear after the Robertian Era ended. But I actually heard about that and was quite pleased. That's another point of tension to erase.

VL: Make no bones about it. Afaria is the third-poorest sovereign state in Africa and fifth-poorest in the world. They know they can't afford a war. So they basically said to heck with it and went about making peace with all of its neighbours. There were some minor tweaks - of maybe a square kilometre at most each, some as small as half a hectare - made to its borders. This was primarily with Tigray. They now have no less than a non-aggression pact not only with all of its land neighbours, but with its de facto maritime neighbour as well.

AJ: Sana'a, right? *VL nods*

LK: Part of the PIAT with Ethiopia has also provided Afaria with a major source of income. Ethiopia is a deceivingly rich country because of its reserves of gold and the fact that it grows so much coffee, and now it has a deal with the city of Assab to use that as a second port and take some of the heat off Djibouti, because God knows that's the busiest port in the Horn right now. And I've heard rumours of them building another port area in Tiyo near the border with Tigray as well.

VK: Would be beneficial if true. It's not going to best Djibouti, Assab, or even Port Sudan, but they could make something work with their neighbours!

LK: Now Ethiopia's tensions with Tigray and Somalia are about the same as they were... Somalia's have dropped off a little bit and I think the Somali government is taking more time to try and foster détente between the two now that their hands aren't nearly as full with Al-Shabaab. So that's some good news from that part of Africa.

VK: Indeed. Much-needed good news. As for Ethiopia and Tigray... give them time. They'll get over it eventually.

AJ: From what I've read, Luba Kingdom has a bit of détente going with most of its neighbours, who have finally decided to deal with the fact that Luba Kingdom takes the purity of its Christianity seriously and refuses to allow prosperity preachers into its borders.

VL: I LOVE their Prime Minister. If someone is found trying to enter under false pretenses specifically in that domain, he trolls them by sending him a video clip of him doing his famous NBA-days finger wag! Hasn't made him any friends amongst the prosperity preaching community, but considering how many of them have put a supposed "death curse" on him and he hasn't croaked yet, I think I'll stick with him!

VK: Yorubaland in particular has a particular animus against the Lubas, but there are numerous countries between them, so if it ever does come to war it will either end up a multi-national mess or it'll make the Yorubaland gov look like a laughing stock. Probably the latter.

LK: Anything in West or North Africa?

VK: There is. Two very specific situations. And you can probably guess what the biggest one is.

LK: Something to do with Mauritania, I'm guessing...

VK: *feigns surprise, does Samuel L. Jackson impression* Check out the big brain on Brett! *everyone laughs* Okay, okay, seriously. There are some deep wounds left behind from the West African War, and a lot of those have to do with Mauritania. They refuse to fully admit to wrongdoing in that war, they refuse to give their top general and a number of other officers over to the ICC for trial for war crimes, they refuse to leave the LTA... they just refuse to play nice in general. They've become a bigger regional pariah than Azawad...

AJ: And given Azawad's historical jerkiness, that's saying something.

VK: That's the other specific situation, but I am glad to say that there's at least some progress being made on their front. They now have normalized borders with the Hausas and the Songhais, so there's that. They had already started getting chummy with Dogonia. They still insist on harassing Sahelia in spite of the ever-so-short border between them. They don't bug the Mandes though. And I think they've finally learned to not question Strasbourg on referendum results concerning Tamanrasset. Probably the biggest concern with Azawad is that they've started letting Fulani herdsmen pass through their borders again, and in some cases, that could be a problem.

But yeah, their reputation has improved, even if they're still the poorest sovereign nation in the world.

VL: That gap is closing, I think due in part to Azawad's wisening up leading to an increase in their meat trade. The Fulani aren't the only herdsmen in the area. I do wonder if by this time next year, they will have surpassed Ghor.

LK: Okay, so there are those two... what about the residuals in the area?

VK: Let's not get ahead of ourselves. There's still the Fulani question in the former Nigeria, because nobody wants the nomadic herders around. Sure, many former nomads have since become livestock ranchers, and with the help of more well-to-do nations in the world, have begun making real progress for themselves, especially in Adamawa and southern Hausa Nation, but there is that percentage of the population that just refuses to settle down, opting instead to make everyone else's lives miserable.

AJ: The power of culture. Some people just refuse to change the way things have always been done.

VK: And so when they show up on the doorstep of places like Sahelia or Yorubaland and are turned away, they become violent. I should also point out that, although they are nowhere near as powerful as they once were, Boko Haram is still a thorn in the side of several nations in the area.

Now for the residuals. Lessee. We've dealt with Tsonga-Zimbabwe-EAU already. Igbolandia, Edonia, and Yorubaland over the issue of prosperity gospel. Tsonga and eSwatini over minor border disputes. The Krus and the Mandes have normalized their borders - everything is all good in that 'hood.

AJ: Now to our front yard, aka Eurasia. What were those "few minor" to-dos you talked about last time that didn't have anything to do with Turkey?

VK: All could be categorized as "residual butthurt." The most vocal but one of the least consequential of these is Castille - and especially its monarchy - continually whining about Spain breaking up. They're butthurt about all those other former Spanish states leaving them via the Strasbourg Accords, and about Gibraltar going through Strasbourg as well. But they also know - and their parliament has fully acknowledge - that they can't do a damn thing about it.

I know that this does have something to do with Turkey but it's relatively minor - Greek irredentism. They have no problem acknowledging their current borders, but some of their gov members do like to have a whine about how much of Turkey's current territory was once Greek, and how they took it illegally at first.

Romania and Hungary. That won't end until the Return of Christ! :P Hungary's butthurt about Transylvania. And I have no problem saying this even if Hungary's one of our allies and friends.

Romania and Ukraine. Who'd've thought that a relatively insignificant sliver of land like Transnistria would cause this much griping?

One thing I will say is that a lot of the points of tension involving Serbia have gone by the wayside, and a lot of that has to do with Živko Plavsić, ironically, a man who at one time was responsible for "upkeeping" those points. Serbia has finally completely normalized its borders, recognized the sovereignty of Kosovo, Vojvodina, and Bosnia and Hercegovina, and even overcome a small coup attempt with the help of decent Serbian folk. *looks at screen* Much respect, Mr. Plavsić. Much respect.

It also looks as if the residual tension between Nordland and the breakaway Faeroe Islands has finally subsided, even such that the former invited the latter to join the New EU!

So those are the residuals. Happy? 

LK: And now to the big elephant in the room. Some people consider this a wholly Asian problem, but given its history many people consider Cyprus European.

VK: Including all of us, if I remember correctly.

AJ: Yup.

LK: Indeed.

VL: You know it.

LK: And of course, the big elephant in the room is Turkey and its never-ending irredentism. They've been like this since after World War I. They signed Strasbourg but seem to have no respect for it whatsoever unless it means them not losing what land they already have. Their government is a bunch of hypocritical morons. And even after earthquakes ravaged its southeastern border with Kurdistan, there were still those in the ruling government who wondered aloud if it would be a good time to invade Kurdistan - which, of course, got all its military allies' dander up, Uralica included. Goes to show you that they don't really care about their own people unless it suits them to. They still haven't let up on Cyprus, and as such all marine traffic from Turkey to Cyprus is officially blockaded by the NEU and several non-NEU allies, us included.

And what about Crimea? Turkey still has designs on it too, even though our veep, when he was still president, faxed Erdoğan the treaty he had signed with Crimea along with a threat of what would happen if Turkish ships fired on Crimea. We have to be vigilant or else they will try and take advantage of our lack of vigilance.

VK: Preach! Of course, Kemal Şükrü got elected for another term last August, but he really dropped the ball with how he responded to the earthquake crisis, so I doubt he'll be on for a third term. I think the only other European pressure point is the multi-national one along the Caucasus. There are residuals on both sides of this, but the main threat in the area is radical jihadi-takfiris  that have made their way into the area from further south. The original ones were either killed or imprisoned during Dispersion. But it's such rugged terrain that you can't properly police the area all the time. And every nation in the newly-founded Caucasian Cooperation Organization is working towards solving this problem.

VL: Even Georgia, which given their residual animosity towards Alania, Transcaucasia, and especially Abkhazia, amazes me.

VK: Meh. They're in NCIS. Aside from a few blips early on they've been okay about following the Sochi Accords. Anything beyond that is just more residual irredentist butthurt.

AJ: So now to Asia, I guess, and we can't mention Asia without mentioning perpetually-isolated Gaza.

VK: Indeed, and those poor souls trapped under Hamas' jackboot. The population has, of course, shrank considerably since 2016, but you're still looking at around half a million people. The only good thing about that is that it isn't overcrowded like it was in pre-Robertian days. And ex-Gazawis are actually finding that Israel-Palestine isn't so bad after all!

LK: Yeah. ISP has the second-lowest Corruption Index in the Near East region with only Jordan being better, the highest Freedom Index, the second-highest Religious Freedom rating - again, Jordan, although Libnan isn't far behind them either... and of course with the duarchist system there they needn't worry about representation, especially under the Ginzburg/al-Wadud government. By the way, they got re-elected!

VK: But even Gaza is small potatoes compared to the power-keg that is the Arabian Peninsula. I figure it's only a matter of time before there's a pro-Babylon coup d'état in Bahrain. Kuwait is a little better off but its proximity to Babylon means we could very easily see a "Desert Storm mark II" situation. Babylon has a certain draw for more libertine nations. That, of course, drives the more conservative nations bonkers, whether conservative in their Islam or in other religions. They hate Uralica with a passion in Babylon.

AJ: They hate the entire CCC with a passion. But especially Uralica, because we have the means to actually oppose them militarily.

VK: And Fox knows that if Uralica and Babylon ever come to blows, he will physically get his flipping head kicked in by Big Jarkko.

LK: Of course, that is a three-way dance. The LTA and LOMAC are at each other's throats too. LTA has come to be synonymous with hyper-conservative Islam and Arab supremacism, so even a lot of Arab countries don't particularly like them. But they have so much oil money that they could buy good weapons on the black market if they wanted to. Still, I think the only thing they hate more than each other (and more than LTA hates the SDN) is Babylon. Or at least, their governments do. The people from those countries that back Babylon are primarily the youth. And that is a dangerous position to be in, since the majority of youth in every country in the Arabian Peninsula, plus every country in the Levant minus Jordan and Israel-Palestine, support Babylon.

VK: It may seem mind-boggling on the surface, but for the legit Christian it really isn't. People these days are lovers of pleasure. It's like that with western and southern Europe as well.

LK: You just reminded me of something. Let's come back to Turkey for a moment.

AJ: *fake-crying* Do we have to?

LK: Yes, Adrienn, suck it up. This has to do with earthquake relief efforts following the earthquake in early February. Turkish earthquake relief workers wanted to go into Kurdistan, and the Kurdistani government was open to it, but the Turkish government would not let them. They wanted Kurdistan to remain weak in the aftermath of the quake and so forced the relief workers to focus their efforts in Turkey. So Kurdidstan had to call in help from the Western Hemisphere to make up for their relative lack of numbers. I found that revolting.

VK: So did Jarkko, and he flipped on the Turkish delegate for trying to justify it. Şükrü's lackeys are nothing if not consistent, but come on! These are human beings dying because of racist sentiment! Smegheads...

VL: Yeah. But Turkey's current administration is selfish like that. They didn't want to take refugees from Balochistan, either.

AJ: How is Balochistan doing, anyway?

VK: They've had enough help to rebound quickly. There have been a few setbacks, but all of those were infrastructural in nature and hasn't slowed down the reformation of the system to a more moderate, fully democratic system. It's actually very encouraging! The only people upset about the whole thing? Take a wild guess.

VL: The LTA.

VK: Precisely. It's just like with Nuristan. Speaking of whom, there are rumours that Nuristan wants to merge into Pashmenish as an autonomous province.

AJ: That would certainly help them financially. Not sure how it'd work culturally, but I guess we'll see.

LK: Speaking of cultural issues, Tajikistan is having some.

VL: That's an understatement. They're on the verge of an armed Pamiri separatist movement, even if the Pamiris themselves are not one unified ethnicity but a group of closely related but distinct groups. The whole Badakhshan region could go up.

VK: They need to realize there, that while self-determination can be a good thing, them declaring independence would make them the poorest country on the planet. *others' eyes bug as they stare at him* Yeah, I'm not kidding. That area, if taken in isolation, is poorer than either Ghor or Azawad. And regardless of that, if this area does separate by violence their economy will be screwed, because Uyghurstan and Pashmenish will close the roads to everyone except refugees.

LK: Just what that region needs. Another war. They've barely gotten over Nuristan let alone Balochistan.

AJ: And then there's Bharat and Kashmir, which could still go hot at any minute.

VK: Yes, that too. It would help if Bharat stopped provoking them.

VL: They need to stop provoking a lot of people. They don't have quite the animus against the larger countries that they do against some of the smaller ones, like Kashmir or even Nepal, whom they've accused of spurring riots in Uttarakhand State, but their biggest no-no is against religious minorities in their country. They're becoming more like Bhutan every month. That should worry people.

LK: Speaking of whom, they still haven't stopped whining about Sikkim. They seem to have eased up on Himalaya, though.

VK: Probably because they know that if they actually did anything they'd be at war again. Probably the biggest one remaining that we haven't touched on is the four-way potential mess between China, Zhuang rebels in its south, Vietnam, and Thailand.

AJ: Uh-oh.

VK: Yes, uh-oh is right. Elements of Thai government and high society have been bankrolling Zhuang dissidents, who although they are a minority have the potential to cause serious chaos. But there are also certain Zhuang who are opposed to Thai influence in spite of their mutual heritage, because they have been Sinicized to a very large degree. Confounding this further is the border nuisance this creates for Vietnam. But wait, there's more! Thailand has designs on the largely Kra-Dai northern highlands, which surround but don't include Ha Noi, and Vietnam has warned them multiple times to butt out. I can't see this ending well, though.

LK: But at least China doesn't have to worry about Taiwan, or vice versa, anymore.

*VK grins broadly*

VL: Yes, that was an absolute game-changer. The Treaty of Shantou officially legally ended the Chinese Civil War after how long? I think it was like 96 years minus the Second World War and the Robertian Era? *AJ nods* Taiwan and China recognized each other's sovereignty, the new Chinese Constitution Emperor Dilber signed off on at the beginning of the year already removed all claims on Taiwan from their end, which was finally reciprocated on paper after having been done in practice back in 2016, and as an added bonus, China let them keep the Matsu Islands in exchange for dropping any claims on the Paracel or Spratly Islands... now they just have to get Vietnam and the Malays out of the picture as well!

VK: That won't happen quickly. And neither will the last pressure point on our agenda.

AJ: Ugh. The Spratly/Paracel dispute.

VK: Yup, which is now tripartite, since Taiwan has retracted its claims. The Malays don't claim the Paracels, mind you, so that's between China and Vietnam. Otherwise, the Franco Pact allies do have pretty good relations, just that they keep jockeying over these blips on the map, because of potential for fishing and oil. This is going to be in the courts for a very long time.

LK: So that's it, eh?

VK: Indeed.
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FORMER LUBA KINGDOM PM DIKEMBE MUTOMBO PASSES; CCC COUNTRIES FLY FLAGS AT HALF-MAST

A year after resigning his position as Prime Minister of the Luba Kingdom in Central Africa, NBA Hall of Famer, renowned humanitarian, and post-Robertian Christian Coaltion of Countries trailblazer Dikembe Mutombo has passed away from brain cancer at age 58. A state funeral is expected to be held in the Luba capital of Mbuji-Mayi and will be attended by numerous heads of state/government.

In a statement released earlier today, CCC Secretary General Thulani Manzini had high praise for Mutombo, a devout Christian "whose spirit of generosity and love towards his fellow humans coupled with his love of the things of God are an undeniable sign of the work of the Holy Spirit in his life, and an example that all Christians should follow." He also pointed out that all full CCC members voted to fly their flags at half-mast out of respect to Mutombo, one of the charter signees of the new CCC constitution in 2016 and a long-time active member of bloc life. Many associate members with Christian majorities are following suit, and even some non-majority associates such as Egypt, Libnan, Tyva, and Israel-Palestine (all of whom are heavily involved in basketball) are as well.

In Uralica, Vice-President Jarkko Salomäki appeared to be the most affected by it although New UN Secretary General Vaido Kuik was also rather teary-eyed in discussing it. Salomäki fought back tears even as he tried to crack jokes based on his experiences with Mutombo, who was literally the only head of government in the world taller than him when he was President.

"But for all the talk of how big he was physically, that pales in comparison to how big a person he was spiritually and emotionally. He had a huge heart, a huge love of people, and a huge love of God. I liked teaming up with him in certain initiatives to improve the quality of life in Central Africa, which in the past was one of the poorest regions in the world. He was on a whole 'nother level... Scripture says we are to spur each other on to good works. I'd be lying if Dikembe didn't do exactly that to me. And now he's with his Lord... Lucky git. I have no doubt that his reward is great in Heaven. But I'm going to miss him! Vaido is going to miss him! A lot of people in Uralica are going to miss him, as he was always well-appreciated here! Rest In Eternal Joy, Deke!"

Current Uralican President Vlasi Malenkov will attend the funeral alongside Salomäki and Kuik (and their respective spouses) and give a consolatory gift to the family.
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slooroo, on Discord Wrote:Is Nilla proof why Paul recommended celibacy?
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