Relationships and Sex Work

[slooroo]

The idea of dating a current and/or former sex worker is pretty old. Fyodor Dostoyevsky makes use of this idea as an example. But it leads to many angles.

Should you?
Would you?
Does it matter if they're a current sex worker?
Does it matter if they're a former sex worker?
Does the type of sex work change things? Is there something "better" about say a cam girl or stripper versus a prostitute?
Does the person being male or female, straight or LGBT, etc make any differences?

Clearly it's a controversial idea so there's obviously no right answer but it's an interesting thought experiment.

[Jarkko]

I'm a fairly conservative Christian so you could probably guess my answer to a lot of these questions. The first two questions are an easy "hard no" for me. It does matter to me if they are currently engaging in this kind of behaviour, but she could be a former sex worker, have completely turned their back on that sort of thing, and I would have absolutely no problem with dating her.

With that being said, different people have different ideas on what it means to be a "cam girl." Some still stick to the narrow sense of being an online stripper, some are a little broader in saying that it includes Twitch/YT/whatever streamers that deliberately sexualize themselves but might not engage in active sex work, and then you get those self-described "thot police" (most of whom are "incels" in the most negative sense of the word) who would call any girl who shows even a centimetre of cleavage a cam girl. If you take the narrowest sense of the word, I wouldn't. The broadest sense is highly unfair. So say you had a diagram of circles within circles. If they are completely outside the first two circles the chances are actually far better that I at least wouldn't hold their supposed camgirling against them and whether I not I would pursue them would depend on other factors that have more to do with me than with her (being legitimately Christian, smoking, how responsible she is in consumption of alcohol, views on race, ethnicity, and language, willingness to participate in missions). It's that second category - self-sexualization within sex work per se - where there might be a bit of grey area and I would enter each situation contextually.

And yes, the notion is extremely old. It's even described (albeit negatively) in the oldest parts of the Old Testament.

[Shiny Star]

Interesting topic. As a society, female sexuality is definitely slated a lot harder than male sexuality. Females tend to be shamed pretty easily by others, whether that’s if they look like a certain stereotype or are known to be promiscuous. Men who may do the exact same thing don’t seem to face the same repercussions in terms of stigma than women… or at least as often. I think that we can all agreed on that. 

For me personally, I don’t think I could date a current sex worker. That’s more to do with my own jealousy and insecurity than anything. A former one I would be more open to, but again I would be a bit insecure most likely. I think that Mia Khalfia is a good example here - she is very well known but doesn’t do it anymore. She was severely underpaid and is out of that industry, however it follows her to an extent. 

I think people tend to be less open to dating someone in that industry if they are actively doing physical things with people. I know a bunch of people who have done OnlyFans and their partner is okay if they take a % of the money or help with the content. Sometimes they get involved too for the odd video. That works for them and they’re happy. 

I have seen that men seem to more okay with their girlfriends being in this industry if the content is girl x girl. They seem to have more of a problem if another guy was involved.

[slooroo]

Since I was exhausted last night I didn't answer my own post so let me do that

Should you?
- Honestly? I have no idea. It PROBABLY isn't a good idea in theory for many reasons. Or are those reasons overblown by society? I really don't know in ways.

Would you?
- I highly doubt my hyper-loner self would ever meet a sex worker let alone have to worry about this issue. If I did though I don't know. My first thought is no but my second thought is maybe.

Does it matter if they're a current sex worker?
- Current sex worker would be complicated. I think I would always have a level of awkwardness about it. Even if she wasn't a prostitute and was just a stripper or cam girl it would still be a thought on my mind that she is showing herself intimately to other people even if the act of sex wasn't involved.

Does it matter if they're a former sex worker?
- I could probably handle former. It would have a level of awkwardness but especially if she didn't have STD issues (and usually most are smart enough to avoid that issue) I may be able to get past it. I do wonder how I'd view one difference though. Is it "better" if she regrets doing it? What if she quit but doesn't really regret anything? I suppose I could reach an agree to disagree, maybe.

Does the type of sex work change things? Is there something "better" about say a cam girl or stripper versus a prostitute?
- Not to shame prostitutes but I feel full blown sex is a bit more to swallow than just if a girl got naked for a stranger but nothing more. I could still possibly get past it but for me it would be more awkward. I don't necessarily think a cam girl or stripper is more "honorable" than a prostitute or anything though.

Does the person being male or female, straight or LGBT, etc make any differences?
- You know I feel when people think sex worker they instantly think woman and yet plenty of men are in it too and yet society never really thinks about them. Many men in fact probably come and go in it without any real societal shame in the same way women get it. When someone thinks male prostitute they may even instantly assume gay but that isn't necessarily true either. As for actual LGBT prostitutes I'm not really sure if that changes anything per say, although it may show strange male biases. For example take a bisexual woman who in some theoretical universe only did sex work for other women but never slept with a man. There's an interesting number of guys who could swallow that pill a lot faster than the idea that another man touched her. As for my view I guess I wouldn't view a sex worker differently based on their gender, sexuality, etc but some might for right or wrong.

[Jarkko]

As a society, female sexuality is definitely slated a lot harder than male sexuality. Females tend to be shamed pretty easily by others, whether that’s if they look like a certain stereotype or are known to be promiscuous. Men who may do the exact same thing don’t seem to face the same repercussions in terms of stigma than women… or at least as often. I think that we can all agree on that. 

Indeed.

While my opening post is my vantage point as regards what I would do as a heterosexual male, I would suggest that the double standard is very problematic. But it is unfortunately nothing new, not by a long shot. The story of the woman caught in adultery as recorded in some manuscripts in the Gospel of John makes this plain. A properly observant Jew of that time reading that passage should have been like, "Huh? If the woman was caught in adultery, where was the man?"

The truth is, women do things that men don't and vice versa. It's simply a result of our differences. However, when it comes to cheating/sleeping around/etc. it's wrong either way and I get rather cranky when I see men get off easily for things that a woman would be excoriated for. Hell, some subcultures even encourage male promiscuity.

For me personally, I don’t think I could date a current sex worker. That’s more to do with my own jealousy and insecurity than anything. A former one I would be more open to, but again I would be a bit insecure most likely.

That can't always be factored down to jealousy and insecurity. Sometimes it's to do with worldview. Still, it's good that you're at least self-aware about it.
 

I think that Mia Khalifa is a good example here - she is very well known but doesn’t do it anymore. She was severely underpaid and is out of that industry, however it follows her to an extent. 

FTFY. She also does OnlyFans now (word on the street is that it's more "lewds" and "artistic nudity," but I wouldn't be particularly comfortable with that - then again, for other reasons, I wouldn't be pursuing her at all). But yes, she has been open about the business "following her."
 

I have seen that men seem to more okay with their girlfriends being in this industry if the content is girl x girl. They seem to have more of a problem if another guy was involved.

Which is a different double standard. I think part of that might actually be jealousy/insecurity, and while it's unlikely to be a religious worldview (unless it's a very hedonistic religion) it could be internal inconsistency within a "swinger mindset." Some blokes may even just want a threesome. Yes, there are definitely men like that.

[Shiny Star]

I think for me personally a lot of this stems from insecurity and jealousy, although I can see this isn’t always the case in other people. 

I mean, good for Mia. The original website she was on only paid her like £12,000 and people have already seen her so may as well get better, bigger money from it. 

Say everyone is straight in the scenario, I find it more common that a straight man would be open to a threesome with two girls as opposed to a straight girl having a threesome with two guys. Maybe it does lean into that.