Women proposing to men?

[Shiny Star]

I saw a post on Facebook earlier where a man cut off his girlfriend for proposing to him. He said that he felt that she had taken away the special feeling of him proposing and that only men should propose in heterosexual relationships. The common section was mixed, although the majority of commenters said that she dodged a bullet and deserved better, and that he had ‘fragile masculinity’.

What are your thoughts on this? Should this only be down to the man in heterosexual relationships? And in same-sex relationships, do you feel that the ‘more masculine’ one should propose? Or do you think that it doesn’t matter and we are moving away from traditions.

[~ True Legend ~]

I dislike gender stereotypes in general.

I also know Kyng disagrees with the view that only the masculine can propose. Kyng !!! I know you too well 🤭 !

[Kyng]

I dislike gender stereotypes in general.

I also know Kyng disagrees with the view that only the masculine can propose. Kyng !!! I know you too well 🤭 !

Yeah, I don't see any reason why it should be the man, other than tradition. And of course, I apply the same logic to same-sex relationships: I don't see why it should be the 'more masculine' partner (if it's even clear which partner is more masculine to begin with ).

As for the story in the opening post... I agree that him leaving her was a complete over-reaction, subject to two caveats:

1. This is assuming that he left her because of this incident alone. It could be that there were other underlying issues in their relationship, that weren't talked about in this post - and this incident was simply the final straw.
   
   
2. To be honest, I don't think she's entirely innocent here either. While I have no problem with women proposing in and of itself, I do think she should have shown more awareness that it was well outside the norm. Did they not, at any previous point in their relationship, discuss the subject of women making proposals? If not, then I'm astonished - and if she was planning to make such a proposal, then she really should have raised the subject to make sure he was on the same page as her about it. (Likewise, if he felt this strongly about it that he was willing to end a relationship over it - then, he probably should have raised the matter himself at some point).
   

[Pyrite]

Speaking as a man, I personally want to be the one who proposes (when the time is right, of course!) However, regardless of who is proposing, I think that the matter has to be discussed at some point prior to the proposal itself. At the very least you have to hint that you're considering it, and gauge their reaction to that hint.

[~ True Legend ~]

I dislike gender stereotypes in general.

I also know Kyng disagrees with the view that only the masculine can propose. Kyng !!! I know you too well 🤭 !

Yeah, I don't see any reason why it should be the man, other than tradition. And of course, I apply the same logic to same-sex relationships: I don't see why it should be the 'more masculine' partner (if it's even clear which partner is more masculine to begin with ).

As for the story in the opening post... I agree that him leaving her was a complete over-reaction, subject to two caveats:
 

1. This is assuming that he left her because of this incident alone. It could be that there were other underlying issues in their relationship, that weren't talked about in this post - and this incident was simply the final straw.
   
   
2. To be honest, I don't think she's entirely innocent here either. While I have no problem with women proposing in and of itself, I do think she should have shown more awareness that it was well outside the norm. Did they not, at any previous point in their relationship, discuss the subject of women making proposals? If not, then I'm astonished - and if she was planning to make such a proposal, then she really should have raised the subject to make sure he was on the same page as her about it. (Likewise, if he felt this strongly about it that he was willing to end a relationship over it - then, he probably should have raised the matter himself at some point).
   

I reckon there must’ve been other factors like other incidents suggesting excessive clinginess from her

[JHG]

If she’s really likes him, go for it.

[Nilla]

I don't understand what "fragile masculinity" has to do with anything.. I think he was just upset. Traditionally, men are the one to propose and some even go as far as to ask the woman's parents if he can take her hand in marriage. But I agree with Kyng . it was a big over-reaction on his part and the woman should have been more mindful of the tradition. But in the end, if you love the person, then propose to them. I don't think it really matters, even in same sex relationships. Either one of them can propose. It doesn't have to be the more masculine one. If my husband hadn't proposed to me, I probably would have done the same if he took too long.

Also.. I admit I am a bit of a hypocrite saying " some even go as far as to ask the woman's parents if he can take her hand in marriage" because my husband never asked either of my parents because neither of us gave a crap if they objected or not. We love each other, and our love for one another would go over anyone else's judgement. If that makes sense. Plus, my parents can't say much because the both of them divorced at a young age.

[Shiny Star]

I forgot to actually write my own opinion on this! I do think there is a societal expectation that men have to propose to women. I think in same-sec relationships, this is more ambiguous due to it already deviating from gender norms. I agree that usually there is some hints or discussion at least, or the majority of people propose already knowing that their partner will accept. 

I think every situation is different and it should be assessed on a case by case basis. I do think it would be good for it to be normalised in straight couples that the woman can propose too. However, I can see why someone would be upset about it deviating from the norm. Although, I don’t think it is worth leaving someone over! But she should have had a better gauge of the situation. 

Regarding asking parents, it again depends on the dynamics. I think it can be a nice gesture.

[~ True Legend ~]

I forgot to actually write my own opinion on this! I do think there is a societal expectation that men have to propose to women. I think in same-sec relationships, this is more ambiguous due to it already deviating from gender norms. I agree that usually there is some hints or discussion at least, or the majority of people propose already knowing that their partner will accept. 

I think every situation is different and it should be assessed on a case by case basis. I do think it would be good for it to be normalised in straight couples that the woman can propose too. However, I can see why someone would be upset about it deviating from the norm. Although, I don’t think it is worth leaving someone over! But she should have had a better gauge of the situation. 

Regarding asking parents, it again depends on the dynamics. I think it can be a nice gesture.

I think it all goes down to history with men having a more powerful voice than women, sadly. I think normalising both genders proposing would, subconsciously or consciously, improve gender equality.

[slooroo]

Some guys are intentionally or unintentionally attached (whether by societal expectations or just they love the image of being the proposer) to the idea of being the one to pop the question. The thing is I don't think that's necessarily BAD but there shouldn't be a societal expectation that the man has to. Things like asking people out on dates and proposing marriage should fairly be things either sex does without shame and should depend entirely on the two in the relationship. Some women are attached to the idea of being popped the question at some romantic getaway and I know plenty of women like that. Others though would rather be the one asking or in some situations there is no "big moment" and the two just go "Alright let's do this" like any other joint decision. I definitely think both genders should be allowed to ask or be asked without shame whether it's asking people on dates, who sets up dates, who proposes, and anything else. That should only be the decisions made between the two and no one else. Personally if a girl came up to me asking me out I would be flattered even if I said no but some guys can't handle that. If my theoretical girlfriend proposed to me I really would be fine with it and not feel like some moment was stolen from me. That said I won't shame guys who can't handle that (unless it's purely rooted in sexism but that's a different topic.)