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Do you feel ready for a relationship? - Printable Version

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Do you feel ready for a relationship? - Shiny Star - 04-03-2021

As the title says, do you feel ready for a relationship? Whether this means that you are in one and do not feel ready or you are single? Signs that suggest you may not be ready could be related to unresolved trauma or you have a busy schedule. Reflecting on the past, have there been instances where you have felt not ready or ready? If so, how did you prepare yourself?

For me, I think when I was younger I definitely was not. I think it could be nice to be in one now but it hasn't been long since it unsuccessfully worked with someone else... so I would want some time to build up from that. I also want to work on my career and stuff like that. If something happens, it happens but I do not want to search for that. It's important to get a good balance.

You?

RE: Do you feel ready for a relationship? - Kyng - 04-03-2021

I'm honestly a bit the same way. It'd be nice if it happened one day, but I'm not desperate for a relationship any time soon, and I'm not actively searching right now (and it's something I'm terrible at doing anyway :lol: ).

Besides, it's the middle of a pandemic... which isn't exactly conducive to meeting people and forming partnerships :P .

RE: Do you feel ready for a relationship? - Shiny Star - 04-03-2021

(04-03-2021, 03:37 PM)Kyng Wrote: I'm honestly a bit the same way. It'd be nice if it happened one day, but I'm not desperate for a relationship any time soon, and I'm not actively searching right now (and it's something I'm terrible at doing anyway :lol: ).

Besides, it's the middle of a pandemic... which isn't exactly conducive to meeting people and forming partnerships :P .

For sure. The pandemic aspect sure doesn't help but I'm sure a lot of people will be having a good Summer, hahaha.

RE: Do you feel ready for a relationship? - Cory - 04-03-2021

I'm single and been that way all 30 years of my life. I still don't feel ready for a relationship and possibly never will feel ready. I have too many issues that deviate me from establishing a connection with someone, and building trust with them. I thought I was ready at some points and even tried building connections with people, but I just pushed the boundaries way too hard and came across more of a desperate, creeper since every woman I've asked out in my life I kind of dove in and didn't really get to know them well enough to build a connection/compatibility. I suppose I thought that's how a relationship starts, is just by putting yourself out there in the sense that you can only build a connection/compatibility by being SO's, and not being friends first. Boy, was I in for a surprise when I finally figured out I've been doing it wrong the entire time.

I foresee myself being single for most, if not all, of my life due to various issues I have with building connections, trust, socializing, and more. I've never been much of a people person, I've been an outcast most of my life.

RE: Do you feel ready for a relationship? - Shiny Star - 04-03-2021

(04-03-2021, 03:40 PM)Cory Wrote: I'm single and been that way all 30 years of my life. I still don't feel ready for a relationship and possibly never will feel ready. I have too many issues that deviate me from establishing a connection with someone, and building trust with them. I thought I was ready at some points and even tried building connections with people, but I just pushed the boundaries way too hard and came across more of a desperate, creeper since every woman I've asked out in my life I kind of dove in and didn't really get to know them well enough to build a connection/compatibility. I suppose I thought that's how a relationship starts, is just by putting yourself out there in the sense that you can only build a connection/compatibility by being SO's, and not being friends first. Boy, was I in for a surprise when I finally figured out I've been doing it wrong the entire time.

I foresee myself being single for most, if not all, of my life due to various issues I have with building connections, trust, socializing, and more. I've never been much of a people person, I've been an outcast most of my life.

As much as that sucks, I think that relationships are a learning experience. A lot of people end up having their first relationships as a way to navigate and learn what co-existing with another person is. I think that they can be difficult as they are so complicated so don’t beat yourself up about that. It’s easy to push boundaries, especially with mental health and a lack of mutual communication in the picture. It takes time and I applaud your honesty.

RE: Do you feel ready for a relationship? - Kyng - 04-04-2021

(04-03-2021, 10:13 PM)Shiny Star Wrote:
(04-03-2021, 03:40 PM)Cory Wrote: I'm single and been that way all 30 years of my life. I still don't feel ready for a relationship and possibly never will feel ready. I have too many issues that deviate me from establishing a connection with someone, and building trust with them. I thought I was ready at some points and even tried building connections with people, but I just pushed the boundaries way too hard and came across more of a desperate, creeper since every woman I've asked out in my life I kind of dove in and didn't really get to know them well enough to build a connection/compatibility. I suppose I thought that's how a relationship starts, is just by putting yourself out there in the sense that you can only build a connection/compatibility by being SO's, and not being friends first. Boy, was I in for a surprise when I finally figured out I've been doing it wrong the entire time.

I foresee myself being single for most, if not all, of my life due to various issues I have with building connections, trust, socializing, and more. I've never been much of a people person, I've been an outcast most of my life.

As much as that sucks, I think that relationships are a learning experience. A lot of people end up having their first relationships as a way to navigate and learn what co-existing with another person is. I think that they can be difficult as they are so complicated so don’t beat yourself up about that. It’s easy to push boundaries, especially with mental health and a lack of mutual communication in the picture. It takes time and I applaud your honesty.

Yeah, definitely. My first one didn't go well at all, because I was woefully inexperienced and just not mature enough :( . I'm still pretty embarrassed about it, but at least it was a learning experience, if nothing else.

RE: Do you feel ready for a relationship? - Jarkko - 04-04-2021

(04-03-2021, 03:40 PM)Cory Wrote: I'm single and been that way all 30 years of my life. I still don't feel ready for a relationship and possibly never will feel ready. I have too many issues that deviate me from establishing a connection with someone, and building trust with them. I thought I was ready at some points and even tried building connections with people, but I just pushed the boundaries way too hard and came across more of a desperate, creeper since every woman I've asked out in my life I kind of dove in and didn't really get to know them well enough to build a connection/compatibility. I suppose I thought that's how a relationship starts, is just by putting yourself out there in the sense that you can only build a connection/compatibility by being SO's, and not being friends first. Boy, was I in for a surprise when I finally figured out I've been doing it wrong the entire time.

I foresee myself being single for most, if not all, of my life due to various issues I have with building connections, trust, socializing, and more. I've never been much of a people person, I've been an outcast most of my life.

That sounds a lot like me, but because of an incident in HS I usually don't push the envelope that hard. I did once almost six years ago, but that didn't end well, even though the woman and I eventually ended up friends. I honestly am at the point where I feel like I need to handle women with kid gloves simply because I hate being viewed as a monster, which I have been at times in the past - then again, I am also kind of clueless as to whether a woman is showing interest or not.

I'm going to be 38 in a month and a half, so I think it'll take a literal act of God (remember, this is a hardcore Christian you're talking to ;) ) for me to actually end up finding someone. But oh man, if it does happen, Y'ALL WILL HEAR ABOUT IT. :P

RE: Do you feel ready for a relationship? - Nilla - 04-04-2021

Well, I am married now (and will be for a year this November- my how time flies Sweating ) and that goes to say I was ready.. apparently. Even if I didn't think I was.

Anyway, I wish I had waited. I didn't have a solid father figure growing up, so I sought out what I lacked as a kid in other men. This ended up in numerous relationship issues- I grew up seeing my mother's dirty habits and that didn't help any, either. Obviously, I wasn't ready at all especially in my teenage years when I would mess around if I got the chance. I went through boyfriend after boyfriend, trying to search. This led to toxic relationships, my worst being the man I was with before my husband. I think if I had been raised with a father figure (or better.. my own father) that things would have been different for me. But seeing your mother have affair after affair and man after man coming and leaving your life..? That can screw one up.

After Trevor (previous relationship) and I broke up, I didn't think I was ever going to be ready. At the start of that relationship, I thought I was ready. He was deceiving and I was a clueless 18 year old. I thought what he had to offer was love. After wasting five years of my life (well, maybe it wasn't a total waste- I now know what it's like to date a self-absorbed a-hole) with him, I just threw my hands up. I was so numb and so sick of having everything I put time and effort into crumble between my fingers.

However.. things didn't work out the way I thought it would. Tim and I were still very close friends. It's actually funny how things worked out for us in the end. We started playing Minecraft every night and would Skype until 3AM. I remember one night I was playing and I suddenly had an epiphany that I was ready. When he got home from work I told him I loved him and now he is stuck with my ass :wub:

RE: Do you feel ready for a relationship? - Lass of the long-white-cloud - 04-04-2021

Awwww, that's really sweet. And sad, but I'm just so happy you've found happiness! *Sends hugs* 

As for me.. Short answer: No.
It's hard enough to find some one who can put up with me as a friend, let alone anything more :P

Longer answer: I think I should wait till I actually have a life.. I don't want to get into a relationship, only for it to fall apart because we both are too busy with our own things to put time into a meaningful relationship.. There's also the fact that I'm quite young, and probably too young for it to work anyway, even if I did meet someone I'd want to spend my life with, I'd want to be best friends for a long time before even thining about pursuing romance. For now, I'm happy to wait, and live my life as a loner :P

RE: Do you feel ready for a relationship? - Shiny Star - 04-04-2021

(04-04-2021, 07:11 AM)Lass of the long-white-cloud Wrote: Awwww, that's really sweet. And sad, but I'm just so happy you've found happiness! *Sends hugs* 

As for me.. Short answer: No.
It's hard enough to find some one who can put up with me as a friend, let alone anything more :P

Longer answer: I think I should wait till I actually have a life.. I don't want to get into a relationship, only for it to fall apart because we both are too busy with our own things to put time into a meaningful relationship.. There's also the fact that I'm quite young, and probably too young for it to work anyway, even if I did meet someone I'd want to spend my life with, I'd want to be best friends for a long time before even thining about pursuing romance. For now, I'm happy to wait, and live my life as a loner :P

Great answers guys! I agree with this a lot. It's so important to make sure you have time for your partner and you are willing to commit. You also don't want to rush into things or to force anything. :)

Sometimes I guess bad experiences can lead to good ones and it's interesting to see how it's so different for everyone, just as individuals and between genders.