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Writing JJ's Litter Literature - Printable Version

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JJ's Litter Literature - Dust Bowl - 05-17-2019

This is something I started writing in the afternoon, basically because.

I still don't know if this is a one-off or the starting bit for something bigger, but I do hope you enjoy it!

Fallen Leaves

RE: JJ's Litter Literature - 321tumbler - 05-18-2019

I don't know if it's that I'm in theater mode, but I had to read that aloud (well, whispering). Something felt off about reading it in my head as the words deserved more than that. As usual, your description of the whole situation transports the reader along with the protagonist. The imagery is powerful, which may add to the need to vocalize it and it also serves an important purpose: reflecting the mood. To some extent, I might say that the environment seems created by the girl herself. The piece might not be in first person, but the reader feels like the girl.

On the more technical end: Your varying sentence structure supports the movement of the piece. For example, "By this point the world was silent, but that silence was often broken by the sounds of nature: a dog protested fiercely on the distance, thunder often appeared on the horizon and made her jump a little, and the omnipresent rain often fell loudly. It was time to go." The first sentence is meandering and continues the previous description of the surroundings, but the second switches the movement of the passage nicely. Although one of the clearest examples of your sentence variation, it is by no means the only one. There were some grammar mistakes here and there ("wanna" is not actually a word in case you didn't know :P), but for not being a native English speaker, your grammar is impeccable. Or... maybe it's because you're not a native English speaker.

So did you have any inspiration behind the piece or did you just sit down and write it?

RE: JJ's Litter Literature - Dust Bowl - 05-18-2019

I didn't know about wanna... huh xD

I just sat down and wrote it, really :)

Many a thanks for the feedback!

RE: JJ's Litter Literature - 321tumbler - 05-18-2019

Yeah, it's actually a way of saying "want to". I know I use it a lot and so do plenty of people so I'm sure that didn't help. XD

Cool. :)

No problem!

RE: JJ's Litter Literature - Detective Osprey - 05-18-2019

I love this! Pretty cool!

RE: JJ's Litter Literature - Dust Bowl - 05-20-2019

Chapter II!


RE: JJ's Litter Literature - 321tumbler - 05-23-2019

This review might not be as long or in detail cause I gotta go to dance pretty soon, but I'll do my best. :)

Overall, still amazing and intriguing. The first chapter showed her confusion and fatigue and I think this one shows more her desperation. It reminds me of the Lear storm scene now that I think about it. The storm and what it brings mirrors her seeming state of mind.

I really enjoyed the part about her breaking through the wall. As with the last section, we see her mind and how she analyzes the situation as it happens. Her desperation shines through with the way you describe how she almost goes straight for ramming the wall, but then stops and takes some time to assess it. However, I do wonder what kind of wall is made of wood, metal, and stone in different sections. Some have a mix of all three supporting each other, but I don't get how this wall is constructed.

Also, in case you didn't know, "gonna" is actually a way to say "going to". It's the similar thing as "wanna".

If there is anything else in particular that you want me to comment on, let me know. :)

RE: JJ's Litter Literature - Dust Bowl - 05-24-2019

Neo: The wall was something I made up to break the monotony of steel and wood, adding the rock foundation to it. It was also meant as a red herring, to hide the identity of an object she couldn't see, and to prevent you from figuring out the truth before she did.

Anyway, Chapter III:


RE: JJ's Litter Literature - 321tumbler - 06-14-2019

Yeah, I realize I promised I would get to this a whiiiile ago, but I have a good explanation. When I first read the chapter, it was very late at night and the last part scared me so much that I couldn't comment on it. Take that as a compliment of how stark an image your writing made (or realize how much of a scaredy cat I am :P).

Besides that though, I really appreciated the use of simple actions and moments such as looking into a fridge to set the scene. There is never a dull moment because any moment that could be dull adds too much to the environment to take away from the adventure.

One thing that stuck out to me to maybe change is "non-polite" which is not a word. The correct version would be "impolite", but I'm not sure if it fits the description that well. Even though it's negative, it doesn't hold the same oomph as the "expression of hatred" you pair it with. You might consider picking a more powerful word. Impolite sounds like a polite way to put it. ;)

Great way to end though. :D