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Boris Johnson and Rishi Sunak get arrested at a McDonald's for fighting each other - Printable Version

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Boris Johnson and Rishi Sunak get arrested at a McDonald's for fighting each other - Cool Cory - 09-10-2024

I've written a new funny story. After writing my first one a few months ago about Boris proposing to Taylor Swift at her concert, I decided it was time for another one. This time including Sunak and Johnson. I hope you get a good laught out of this random story. :)
 
Boris Johnson, with his hair more disheveled and stupid than usual (if that was even possible), strutted into a McDonald's one afternoon. He’d just finished a speech about how "Big Macs were the cornerstone of British nutrition, or at least one of its healthier corners, probably" and thought he’d treat himself to one of those towering burgers.
 
As he pushed open the door, he saw, in front of the counter, standing none other than Rishi Sunak, dressed in a tailored suit that looked like it cost more than the entire McDonald’s franchise.

Rishi was carefully studying the menu with a lot more care and attention than he ever did when analyzing the national budget.
 
Boris’ eyes narrowed.
"Well, well, well," he said, his voice bouncing across the greasy plastic booths, "if it isn’t Mr. Spreadsheet himself! Fancy seeing you in a place of the common folk, Rishi. What’s the matter? Run out of kale smoothies at No. 10? Oh wait, you lost by a landslide at the last election."
 
Rishi turned around, smirking, "Ah, Boris. Surprised to see you too. Thought you’d be more of a... how should I put this... a three-course lobster and caviar man? You know, something better suited to your ‘Champagne populist’ style."
 
Boris puffed up his chest, which looked quite ridiculous as it expanded in his rumpled suit.

"Nonsense! I’m here to support British businesses! And might I add, I’m the true man of the people. Everyone knows that. I bet you don’t even know what a Big Mac is."
 
"Oh, please," Rishi said, rolling his eyes. "Of course, I know what a Big Mac is. It’s got... erm... two patties, and some... sauce? But I prefer their salads. Watching your diet is important when you're running the country efficiently."
 
"Efficiently?" Boris guffawed, knocking over a tray of ketchup packets with his wild arm gesture. "You wouldn’t know efficiency if it hit you in the face with a tax rebate! I got Brexit done, mate. What did you do? Balance a few numbers and act like you saved the nation by handing out vouchers for Nando’s?"
 
"Oh please," Rishi shot back. "Brexit? It was like handing someone a map, burning it, and then telling them to ‘figure it out’ while you ran off to sunbathe in Marbella. I, on the other hand, got the economy back on track."
 
Boris huffed, stepping closer. "The economy? You just chucked money at everything like you were handing out Happy Meal toys, Rishi. And let’s not forget your ‘Eat Out to Help Out’ scheme. Encouraging people to eat fast food? Brilliant health advice!"
 
"At least I didn’t throw a party in the middle of a pandemic!" Rishi snapped, crossing his arms, right befor ehis face reddened afte rrealising be attended some of Boris' parties.
 
Boris' face reddened. "Ah yes, well... that was all about boosting morale! Besides, I brought optimism to the country, real British bulldog spirit! You just bring spreadsheets and PowerPoints. You’re like a human Excel sheet!"
 
Rishi scoffed. "And you’re like a human Wi-Fi router. You’re full of random signals, and nobody ever knows what direction you’re going in next! You're crazy, fatty!"
 
Just then, the cashier cleared her throat. “Uh, gentlemen?”
 
Both turned toward the teenager behind the counter, who looked like she was having a laughing fit.
 
“Are you two going to order? We’ve got a line forming...”
 
Boris, always quick to perform for an audience, waved his hand grandly. “Yes, yes! I’ll have the Big Boris Mac—er, I mean, the Big Mac. And, uh... extra fries. Because I believe in giving more to the people. Oh, and throw in an ice cream, chicken wrap, soda, milkshake, chicken nuggets, and fillet-o-fish.
 
Rishi sighed, rubbing his temples. “I’ll take a McChicken salad, please. Because some of us believe in responsibility.”
 
As they stood waiting for their orders, Boris couldn’t resist one more jab. "You know, Rishi, they should rename that salad ‘The Sunak Special’—looks fancy but leaves you hungry for more."

The quee laughed hard at that jab. But Rishi wasn't about to let Boris get the last laugh.
 
Rishi, smiling tightly, replied, “And they should rename the Big Mac ‘The Boris’—it’s big, messy, and leaves everyone confused about what’s actually in it.”

 
Rishi threw a handful of fries from a nearby table. They flew across the restaurant and hit Boris square in the face. Boris blinked in shock, wiping salt from his eyes. He looked up and saw Rishi Sunak, standing there with a smug grin, his hands empty but clearly guilty.
 
"You cheeky little—" Boris started, his voice rising like a balloon about to pop. Without thinking, he scanned the table next to him, grabbed an untouched McFlurry that belonged to some poor soul, and hurled it straight at Sunak.
 
The ice cream hit Rishi  in the chest, splattering Oreo bits all over his suit.
 
"You absolute buffoon!" Rishi shouted, looking down in horror at the sticky mess dripping from his tie. "Do you have any idea how much dry cleaning costs?"
 
"Oh, cry me a river!" Boris bellowed, reaching for a pile of napkins but, instead, finding a tray of chicken nuggets. He chucked a handful of them at Rishi, who ducked, causing them to hit an innocent bystander.
 
"Right!" Rishi shouted, grabbing a packet of ketchup from the counter, ripping it open, and squeezing it all over Boris's hair. "It’s about time someone spiced up your ridiculous hair, you clown!
"
Boris wiped the ketchup from his head and growled, "That’s it! I’m going full Churchill on you! I'll make Winston proud with this move!"
 
He ran across the floor and dive lunged across the table, knocking over trays, drinks, and a stack of napkins as he tackled Rishi. "You'll regret what you said and did, Rishi!" The two former prime ministers grappled, rolling on the sticky floor, sending French fries and burger buns flying through the air.
 
Rishi grabbed Boris by the tie, trying to choke him with it. "Take this, you idiot!" Boris responded by grabbing a half-eaten apple pie and shoving it in Rishi’s face. "Eat this, you moron!"
 
The scene was pure chaos. McDonald's workers and customers stood frozen, staring in disbelief at the two most recent leaders of the country, now rolling around in a pile of fast food like squabbling schoolboys. One brave employee, who had clearly had enough, picked up the phone and dialed 999.

"Yeah, uh... we’ve got two grown men fighting in the McDonald’s... yeah, I think they’re former prime ministers... no, seriously. Well, they're two of the worst Tory prime ministers we've ever had, so what do you expect?"
 
Within minutes, the sound of sirens blared outside the restaurant. The doors flew open, and two police officers burst in, rushing over to where Boris and Rishi were still wrestling on the floor, Rishi's suit now covered in milkshake and Boris's hair sticking up with fries poking out of it like some sort of greasy crown instead of a normal clown.
 
"Alright, break it up!" one officer shouted, pulling Boris to his feet. Boris tried to run off, but the officer firmly had hold of him.
 
The other officer grabbed Rishi, who was still trying to wipe McFlurry off his face. "You’re both under arrest for disturbing the peace."
As the officers slapped handcuffs onto them, Boris puffed up in indignation. "Now wait just a minute! You can’t arrest me—I’m a former prime minister!"
 
Rishi, equally outraged, exclaimed, "Me too! This is an outrage! I demand to speak to the Home Secretary immediately! Before realising that his old Tory buddies were no longer able to help him.
 
"Yeah, mate," one of the officers sighed, clearly over it, "and I’m sure you can explain all this to the judge. Now keep moving."
 
As they were marched out of the McDonald’s, both of them squirming in their handcuffs, Boris muttered, “I was simply defending my honor—this man insulted my Big Mac appreciation. It’s a sacred British institution!”
 
Rishi, trying to shake a bit of lettuce off his collar, spat back, “You’re the one who started it with that ridiculous McFlurry stunt! Do you know how much that suit cost? This is all coming out of your post-prime minister salary!”
Outside, a small crowd had gathered, phones out, filming as the two disgraced Tory politicians were led away by the police.
 
As they were stuffed into the back of the police van, Boris grumbled, “This is a gross violation of my rights. I led this country! I should be given more respect.”
 
Rishi nodded furiously, still dabbing at the cold ice cream in his hair. “Agreed! This is an abuse of power! Where’s the rule of law? We’ll have a word with the Commissioner!”
 
One of the officers, closing the van door, sighed and shook his head. "Another day in Britain, eh? Thank goodness the Tories lost the last election."
 
And as the van pulled away, the last thing anyone could hear was the muffled sound of Boris and Rishi continuing to argue, now about who had the better legal case, and demanding to be let free.

RE: Boris Johnson and Rishi Sunak get arrested at a McDonald's for fighting each other - Kyng - 09-10-2024

:lol:

That was rather amusing. I particularly liked the "human Wi-Fi router" line: I'll have to adopt that myself in the future, if you don't mind :P !

RE: Boris Johnson and Rishi Sunak get arrested at a McDonald's for fighting each other - Cool Cory - 09-10-2024

(09-10-2024, 05:48 PM)Kyng Wrote: :lol:

That was rather amusing. I particularly liked the "human Wi-Fi router" line: I'll have to adopt that myself in the future, if you don't mind :P !
Thanks! :) And yeah, I don't mind at all.  That's absoloutely fine. :)