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Full Version: Do you feel ready for a relationship?
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(04-30-2021, 06:47 PM)Detective Osprey Wrote: [ -> ]I think so, but I prefer to get to know someone first. I'm demisexual/romantic (it's like being asexual/romantic). They're more than just a name. I want to know what they like, what their interests are, etc.
 
I'm also pansexual, so I'm willing to date anyone, after I get to know them. :D

I’d say the same/similar for myself. It can be challenging to want to know people on a deeper level at the beginning, especially when it comes to meeting them. From my experience, ‘talking’ to friends where it develops into more can be dangerous. It’s beautiful as you have that bond early on if you choose to be romantic but dangerous in the sense that if it goes wrong you can lose a good friend! Just depends on if you’re on the same length with either outcome. 

It’s hard to meet people when the immediate intention is to date. I find it artificial at times but then its direction can be clearer. It’s definitely good to have a long process getting to know each other as it can make you learn what you want personally and from the relationship overall.
So, I feel like I'm in a bit of a pickle and need to use this thread to relieve some steam concerning relationships. I'm beginning to think relationships are a big waste of time. Granted, I've never been in one, but just from trying, I wasted so much time and energy that the rejection only lead to a downward spiral of depression. It seems like I've just been the guy girls laugh in the face at more than trying to understand and confide in. I know I'm gifted in the sense that I have loving parents that are so loving they'll let their kids live at their house rent-free and not shove them out the door just because they reached a certain age and a lot of people don't have that and feel the need to be in a relationship to feel wanted/loved. But, I digress, I still feel like relationships are a big waste of time. You do what, pursue like 20 women just to have that 1 go out with you, and even then it's probably not going to work out in the end. I always put into perspective that what if we were immortal, I'd think cheating would be at an all-time high if that were so because I really don't see two human beings being in a relationship for eternity. They could become bored with one another, fall out of love, find better partners, etc.

You have to first make an effort to put yourself out there to do what? Be spat on by a majority of the opposite sex you're attracted to? Maybe I've just asked out too many young, thus immature women. Maybe in my 30's (I'm about to be 31) or 40's I'll start seeing relationships from a different perspective. You can call me a negative Nancy all you want, but I really do think most people are pressured into relationships because it has become the norm of society to be in one when you reach a certain age. Take my stance, for example, I am nearly 31 years old and I live with my parents and have never even been in a relationship, most of society would define me as a loser. That's the peer pressure I'm talking about right there. Yes, we all want to feel loved/wanted, but I think people tend to look for happiness in the wrong way, often through seeing how others appear to be happy and following them in their footsteps.

The whole "you're X age and you've never been in a relationship" seems to wow a lot of people I tell; they act surprised when I tell them. I think this goes to show that people are followers of society, where they feel like they'll be left out if they're not like others around them, particularly those they are close to. It's sad in my opinion that people have to search for happiness when it's always lingering right beside them, being that to find ultimate happiness is to find it in yourself. I've been told multitudes of times by multitudes of people that you will never find happiness in others, you have to find it in yourself, and I am starting to understand why I've been told this for so long.

I'm sorry for the rant, like I said, I just have a lot on my chest at the moment that needs to be alleviated before I drive myself to insanity with overthinking. To stay on topic, I don't feel I'm ready for a relationship because I repeat, I believe they are a waste of time and energy. You spend more time chasing than pursuing and in the end, it's a bottomless pit of regrets and depression.
(07-06-2021, 06:04 AM)Cory Wrote: [ -> ]So, I feel like I'm in a bit of a pickle and need to use this thread to relieve some steam concerning relationships. I'm beginning to think relationships are a big waste of time. Granted, I've never been in one, but just from trying, I wasted so much time and energy that the rejection only lead to a downward spiral of depression. It seems like I've just been the guy girls laugh in the face at more than trying to understand and confide in. I know I'm gifted in the sense that I have loving parents that are so loving they'll let their kids live at their house rent-free and not shove them out the door just because they reached a certain age and a lot of people don't have that and feel the need to be in a relationship to feel wanted/loved. But, I digress, I still feel like relationships are a big waste of time. You do what, pursue like 20 women just to have that 1 go out with you, and even then it's probably not going to work out in the end. I always put into perspective that what if we were immortal, I'd think cheating would be at an all-time high if that were so because I really don't see two human beings being in a relationship for eternity. They could become bored with one another, fall out of love, find better partners, etc.

You have to first make an effort to put yourself out there to do what? Be spat on by a majority of the opposite sex you're attracted to? Maybe I've just asked out too many young, thus immature women. Maybe in my 30's (I'm about to be 31) or 40's I'll start seeing relationships from a different perspective. You can call me a negative Nancy all you want, but I really do think most people are pressured into relationships because it has become the norm of society to be in one when you reach a certain age. Take my stance, for example, I am nearly 31 years old and I live with my parents and have never even been in a relationship, most of society would define me as a loser. That's the peer pressure I'm talking about right there. Yes, we all want to feel loved/wanted, but I think people tend to look for happiness in the wrong way, often through seeing how others appear to be happy and following them in their footsteps.

The whole "you're X age and you've never been in a relationship" seems to wow a lot of people I tell; they act surprised when I tell them. I think this goes to show that people are followers of society, where they feel like they'll be left out if they're not like others around them, particularly those they are close to. It's sad in my opinion that people have to search for happiness when it's always lingering right beside them, being that to find ultimate happiness is to find it in yourself. I've been told multitudes of times by multitudes of people that you will never find happiness in others, you have to find it in yourself, and I am starting to understand why I've been told this for so long.

I'm sorry for the rant, like I said, I just have a lot on my chest at the moment that needs to be alleviated before I drive myself to insanity with overthinking. To stay on topic, I don't feel I'm ready for a relationship because I repeat, I believe they are a waste of time and energy. You spend more time chasing than pursuing and in the end, it's a bottomless pit of regrets and depression.

Well, I'm sorry to hear you've had all these bad experiences with relationships :( . From my very limited experience of them, I wouldn't consider them to be a waste of time (there's plenty of joy to be had if you can find the right person) - although, they do get very stressful when they go wrong. They certainly aren't for everybody - and, if you decide that they aren't for you, then there's nothing wrong with that :) .

And, of course: relationships shouldn't be where you find your core 'happiness' in life. That should come from your hobbies, interests, and other activities that you enjoy independently of anybody else. Doesn't mean you can't also get happiness from relationships, but any you do get should be a bonus.
Bit different to the last few posts, but there is a fairly strong possibility that I could be in a proper relationship soon for the first time in my life. And I figured I'd ask if anyone on here has any tips or advice? :)
(07-10-2021, 09:52 PM)Pyrite Wrote: [ -> ]Bit different to the last few posts, but there is a fairly strong possibility that I could be in a proper relationship soon for the first time in my life. And I figured I'd ask if anyone on here has any tips or advice? :)

Good luck with that :D !

And sadly, I only have bad relationship advice, so I think I'd best keep it to myself :P .
(07-10-2021, 09:52 PM)Pyrite Wrote: [ -> ]Bit different to the last few posts, but there is a fairly strong possibility that I could be in a proper relationship soon for the first time in my life. And I figured I'd ask if anyone on here has any tips or advice? :)

What kind of advice/tips are you looking for?
(07-10-2021, 10:07 PM)Nilla Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-10-2021, 09:52 PM)Pyrite Wrote: [ -> ]Bit different to the last few posts, but there is a fairly strong possibility that I could be in a proper relationship soon for the first time in my life. And I figured I'd ask if anyone on here has any tips or advice? :)

What kind of advice/tips are you looking for?

Ooh this is a good question! I guess I'm worried about transitioning from the way things are now to what they might look like after we have that particular conversation.
It may seem cliché but I would say with what feels natural. It’s better to let the relationship build up over time and not rush too quickly into things. A lot of people can be scared from spending too much time with the other person too quickly (especially if it goes from hardly any to a lot suddenly) or when the ‘love’ word is thrown in too quickly. Communication helps keep everything strong as issues can be addressed then. New relationships are exciting so it’s important that you do what makes the other person comfortable but you shouldn’t be sacrificing a lot for yourself to achieve that!

But have fun and good luck. The main part of the relationships is having fun so sure anxiety is gonna be a thing from time to time but it’s a beautiful thing.
(07-10-2021, 09:52 PM)Pyrite Wrote: [ -> ]Bit different to the last few posts, but there is a fairly strong possibility that I could be in a proper relationship soon for the first time in my life.

Sorry if my post seemed derogatory. I just had a lot of my mind at the time. I wish you the best of luck with your (hopefully) soon-to-be relationship!
 
(07-06-2021, 04:24 PM)Kyng Wrote: [ -> ]From my very limited experience of them, I wouldn't consider them to be a waste of time (there's plenty of joy to be had if you can find the right person) - although, they do get very stressful when they go wrong.

Yeah, it's just hard finding the right person and people that are actually willing to give you a chance. I'm sure there is a lot of joy to be found in them indeed, but I have only found depression and regret through my searching for an SO. But like I said before, there are a few reasons for that, being that I've mainly asked younger women out and I probably came off way too strong before getting to know them really well first. You live, you learn. Maybe all of these failures are just gearing me up towards finding the ultimate perfect woman suited to my personality!
 
(07-10-2021, 10:03 PM)Kyng Wrote: [ -> ]And sadly, I only have bad relationship advice, so I think I'd best keep it to myself :P .

Yeah, I know how to give advice on detracting women. :hehe:
(07-11-2021, 05:02 PM)Cory Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-10-2021, 09:52 PM)Pyrite Wrote: [ -> ]Bit different to the last few posts, but there is a fairly strong possibility that I could be in a proper relationship soon for the first time in my life.

Sorry if my post seemed derogatory. I just had a lot of my mind at the time. I wish you the best of luck with your (hopefully) soon-to-be relationship!

Ah, that wasn't in particular meant about your post - just the general nature of the thread was people sharing rather than asking questions! Sorry if it didn't quite come across how I meant it! And thank you - I appreciate that!
 
Quote:It may seem cliché but I would say with what feels natural. It’s better to let the relationship build up over time and not rush too quickly into things. A lot of people can be scared from spending too much time with the other person too quickly (especially if it goes from hardly any to a lot suddenly) or when the ‘love’ word is thrown in too quickly. Communication helps keep everything strong as issues can be addressed then. New relationships are exciting so it’s important that you do what makes the other person comfortable but you shouldn’t be sacrificing a lot for yourself to achieve that!

But have fun and good luck. The main part of the relationships is having fun so sure anxiety is gonna be a thing from time to time but it’s a beautiful thing. 

Thank you for the advice! I will see what I can do!!
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