I had this weird idea for a thread because I get recommended these videos of stories from Reddit and 4chan where things happen and I thought it might be amusing to have a thread for this and see how people react to different stories I find.
The first story is from Reddit and because I forgot to save it I do know the general story. A woman in her 30s is having a dilemma because her husband has learned about her sexual past due to a friend of hers telling him about it during a birthday party. In her 20s she was a "college degenerate" (basically her words) who did drugs and was active in having threeways with her at the time boyfriend (not the husband) and the boyfriend's male friend. She estimates the threesome count to be 15-30 range. As she got older she stopped doing these things and looks back on that period of her life with embarrassment and she wishes she didn't do it. For reference she notes she never told her husband about this element of her past, going back and forth on whether she should or not in her head over the years. So her husband is shellshocked about this information and after a few days of silence declares he wants a divorce because in his mind she wasn't the person he thought she was. Now she's distraught over this and wants to ask her lawyer if the pre-nup can be removed because she sees it as unfair that she dedicated five years of her life to helping her husband's small business empire and the divorce could leave her with nothing.
This one has a lot of layers to me. On the one hand the husband isn't wrong to have some preferences for people he dates and sure perhaps the wife should've been upfront years ago about her past so the husband could've decided to drop the relationship long before it reaches marriage. On the other hand I struggle to see how after five years of marriage you could so easily go get a divorce over your wife's sex life in her 20s long before she met you. This kind of creates an argument of how open about your sex life does your partner deserve to know? Does it even matter? Would it have been more right if she told her husband about this while they were still dating? Is he overreacting to this information and should've been glad she (presumably) genuinely loved him and wasn't cheating on him? I thought it was an interesting Reddit story.
Sexual insecurity is a big thing and although I do agree some shock is justified as he didn’t expect it, I don’t think he should’ve divorced her over it. She’s still the same person that he married and she does hold shame toward it. Plus, she didn’t cheat or betray him. There is harsher judgement toward women’s sexuality than there is for guys where they can be labelled as promiscuous pretty easily and receive harsh judgement whereas people see to be a lot less lenient on guys. People can feel insecure and threatened sexually when their partner has done stuff like this but I think an open conversation about it would’ve been better, or more time to think.
I do get that there is an element of needing to be honest with your partner about certain things. But I don’t think this should be the complete make or break. As for the prenup, poor woman as she is the victim in this situation here. She didn’t lie to him or deceive him.
As an addition to the first story one thought I had is that another point I'd have to blame on the man is he claims that his wife "wasn't who she thought she was" when he got this information about her sexual past. The thing is I'm curious what angle he means by this.
A. Is he jealous she had sexual experimentation he never had? Then perhaps he should've been honest with this with his wife and the two could've arranged...something. Maybe not a threeway since the wife indicates she doesn't want to do that anymore but perhaps other areas they could've spiced things up.
B. Is he making some sort moral judgement about her? The thing is what is there to really judge? From what I can tell by the story she was a different person in her 20s and she was consenting to these threeways and both her boyfriend and his friend were both consenting and enjoying it too. When she got older/broke up with the boyfriend she found herself regretting that she done it. This isn't a judgement against anyone who enjoys threeways but clearly from her point of view doing these things no longer aligned with her views? tastes? morals? whatever you want to call it anymore. That said at the end of the day it was consensual sex, even if perhaps kinkier than some people go. She wasn't cheating on her boyfriend and she wasn't just doing it with anyone. It was an arrangement that the three mutually agreed to at the time. It doesn't prove her to be a bad person or anything, just that she was at a point in her life where she was sexually experimental/in a non-traditional relationship of sorts.
C. If a certain "sexual experience threshold" for a lack of a better term was such an important subject to him then I have to wonder why he didn't mention this openly and clearly while dating. By doing so he could've made it clear what he seeks in a partner and she could've said "Well I can't fit that requirement" without even going into detail if she didn't want to. It seems to be a big blunder on his part not to be more open on what he wanted and expected of a partner.
I thought it would be more along the lines of he is jealous that other men have been with her like that generally. That tends to be why men shame women with high body counts as they feel like she should be pure for him, but doesn’t necessarily need to be pure for her. Although I would say those probably did contribute to an extent too. It’s a type of jealousy.
Today's story is a 4chan one and I found it interesting
To summarize two are dating. The girlfriend has a tragic accident that leaves her paralyzed from the waist down which forces the boyfriend to attempt to both be a full time caretaker and work a full time job. While this exhausts him what breaks him is the emotional abuse his girlfriend begins to throw at him to the point where he can't take it anymore and after a talk with a therapist realized he has to break it off to save himself. So he breaks up with her, however it means he is shamed by his now ex, her family, and many of his friends for "abandoning her."
My view on this one is I feel bad for the girlfriend. I really do. I get what happened to her was traumatic and she likely wasn't coping well with this drastic change in her life and possibly knowing some of her dreams were shattered by this tragic accident. That said this is why she really needed to see a mental health professional who could've helped her work through her trauma and perhaps reach an inner peace with her new life situation instead of throwing all of her anger and hatred at her boyfriend who is trying desperately to take care of her. I can't blame the boyfriend for leaving because I get he feels guilt about leaving her but the therapist could clearly tell at this rate the boyfriend was going to be dragged down and drown at this rate. I do think it would've been nice of him if he sat his girlfriend down and was completely honest with his feelings and perhaps gave an ultimatum that she needed to find help for her emotional issues or else he'll have to leave but perhaps he did and he just didn't say it. Saving himself was perhaps selfish but I think some people need to remember there is such as a thing as being "positive selfish" where you can't be a martyr forever and do need to do things for your own sake. He wasn't going to help himself or her by just continuing to do this.
As for the family and friends I'll be blunt I think they should shut up. Presumably they didn't offer any sort of help in this situation so where do they have the right to criticize the boyfriend for trying and just not being able to do it anymore? Why didn't they offer to help the boyfriend themselves if they were so concerned? Why didn't they offer to help him find potential resources (such as home health workers) who could take some of the burden off the boyfriend? Why didn't they offer to take the girlfriend to therapy appointments to help her work through her issues? If they didn't then they have no room to criticize someone who was trying as far as I'm concerned.
Naturally something like that is going to make someone’s mental health deteriorate a lot as becoming paralysed is a big adaption and trauma. I don’t blame him for acting the way he did as he had to put himself and his mental health first. He left because of the emotional abuse, which is likely caused by her declined mental state, and she had put the mental health work in herself. You can see that both were let down but it’s good he got a therapist. Caring is a very demanding role at times!
Today's story isn't as dark but especially in modern times perhaps pretty topical.
To boil down this Reddit story a wife has three children and for a time is concerned about her middle son because he had his heart crushed so seriously by an ex-girlfriend she thought he'd never date again so it became a pleasant surprise to her when he began dating a new girl and seemed to be happier than he's ever been. It takes awhile for the girlfriend to agree to meet the family but she finally does at a dinner and since the rest of the family go off to do this and that the wife has a chance to talk to the new girlfriend where the girlfriend finally slips (perhaps by accident) that she is transgender and becomes instantly nervous when the wife is shocked. The wife has to process the information for a bit but finally tells the girlfriend she's fine with her as long as her son is happy but now is nervous how her husband will react. Finally after debating she decides she must tell him but becomes concerned when he keeps avoiding the subject, wondering what he'll do before finally over ice cream he casually confirms he's fine with her being transgender as well (in his own perhaps roundabout way.)
This one stuck out at me because in an era where trans are getting a bigger spotlight in the public conscious than before and more are deciding to openly transition it's definitely a subject that some families, often with older and/or religious relatives, will have to face. Is there a "correct" way to approach the subject of your child dating someone trans? Is there a way to discuss discomfort without being transphobic, especially for older generations perhaps still processing this new reality? I'm glad this story went well for this family but I imagine for every one like this there's dozens that go south fast.
I saw this one on TikTok. The dad had a really wholesome reaction. I think with the mum, it just took her back by surprise.
I think there’s no straightforward answer to how to come out with something like this, same with being gay. Everyone is different and it’s about trying to know the best situation to approach the person that you’re dealing with. If they knew the situation was unsafe then I am sure the son would’ve done it without his girlfriend there. The way they did it may mean the family get on well or they wanted to make it feel more casual.
Cheating stories are a dime a dozen on Reddit but I thought this one tackles an element I find more interesting
To summarize a year prior to this story the guy's now ex-gf cheated on him with her personal trainer and bailed on the relationship to be with the trainer. Now in the current time of the story the ex requests to talk so he humors her and meets her. She doesn't try to deny that cheating was a mistake and even went into the fact her relationship with the trainer went south quickly and after they broke up her life has become a giant mess in all forms. She then says that on the other hand the guy was emotionally distant and that this is what caused her to cheat. She admits that now she realizes she should've communicated her displeasure instead of cheating but she wants to try again. The guy is torn on what to do.
Personally I think the guy needs to say no. The reason in my view is simple. At best this girl is 100% genuine but cheating is something I think 99% of people just aren't going to be capable of putting behind them and continuing forward romantically. The hurts will keep lurking below the surface. The chances of both of them putting this behind them and making a successful relationship again is near zero. That said a part of me suspects the ex isn't being very genuine. It seems oddly convenient she wants to come back when she admits to being in emotional and financial ruin. While it is possible the boyfriend was emotionally distant (he admits perhaps this isn't impossible) I also would fear this is more gaslighting and the girl is trying to place all of the blame of her affair on him. Cheating is also something that often times if a cheater does it once they'll do it again. Even if he gets back with her it could be no time when she starts another affair, yet again using some excuse that involves him to justify it. So I think it's healthier for the two to stay apart.
I agree with you, especially with the extent of the cheating. I think that cheating can cause a permanent rift unless communicated about very well.